The Unexpected

purple sunset

I thought long and hard about whether or not I should write this post, but in the end, I knew I had to let this out. Three weeks ago, my youngest brother passed away in a drowning accident.

To be honest, it still doesn’t feel real. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of activity as we planned services and events to commemorate his life. We also had family come to visit from all over; our house was overflowing with people. His memorial service was last weekend and the majority of our visitors have returned home, so things are finally starting to settle down.

Over the weeks, my family has received such an outpouring of love from friends and from our local community here in California, and I’m so grateful for that. People have sent me flowers, called, and sent messages. Even though I haven’t been able to respond to them all, I’ve read every single one and it does help.

People have sent their condolences and many have said, “I don’t know what to say.” I completely understand. I don’t know what to say either. I’m still home in California and I just want to spend as much time as I can with my family before I have to go back to New York.

Different emotions come and go. Planning his services kept me busy so I felt ok for a bit. Sometimes though, it feels like there’s a vice gripping my chest, squeezing until I can’t breathe anymore. Sometimes I feel an overwhelming sadness when I think about how young he was (15), and all of the life that he had yet to experience.

They say to take it one day at a time and that’s what I’m trying to do. Being here with my family helps the most- I don’t remember the last time we were able to spend this much time together. I’m also falling back on the little things that make me happy: escaping into a book, painting my nails, and continuing my Friends marathon.

Who know what’s going to happen on this space in the future, but thank you for letting me pour out a little bit of my heart here today. This is going to sound cliché, but maybe you can do me this one little favor- hold your loved ones tight every chance you get.

(image via)

Home Refresh 01.

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So I got some good news a couple weeks ago- I don’t have to move! Oh man, what a relief. As soon as we received that happy news, my brain went into full-on redecoration mode. A little while ago, I wrote a post about how I wanted to refresh my bedroom. I’ve made a bit of progress on that list, so I thought I’d start a mini series here on the blog to keep you updated with my redecorating process (I’ve also been snapchatting [username: starcrossedsmil] the process and using the tag #scshome on Instagram).

The first room I wanted to tackle in the apartment is my bedroom. I spend a lot of time in here and I was really itching for a change. I should show you what my room looked like before…

home ideas, bedroom refresh, bedroom ideas, home refresh, bedroom ideas for women

home ideas, bedroom refresh, bedroom ideas, home refresh, bedroom ideas for women, nail polish organization

A few weeks ago, I took down all of the pictures and stuff hanging on my wall, moved most of my furniture out into the living room, and painted my walls white. I have a little tradition where I ask my friends to help me paint and reward them with wine and treats, so a couple friends came by that Saturday to help me.

I picked up my paint a few days before, and boy was it hard to narrow down the shade of white that I wanted! I actually went to the hardware store three times that week: once to look at all 50 gajillion shades of white, a second time to actually buy painting supplies, and a third time between coats when I was afraid I was going to run out of paint.

home ideas, bedroom refresh, bedroom ideas, home refresh, bedroom ideas for women

home ideas, bedroom refresh, bedroom ideas, home refresh, bedroom ideas for women

home ideas, bedroom refresh, bedroom ideas, home refresh, bedroom ideas for women

I’m really happy with the way it turned out. I feel good about the color I chose (Simply White from Benjamin Moore) and it makes my room feel brand new. Since I had to move most of my stuff to paint, I also wanted to take that opportunity to have a major clear out. I got rid of some junk, started a Goodwill donation pile, and set aside a few things that I’d like to send home to California. I also took a trip to The Container Store (a.k.a. the best place ever) to pick up a few things to help me get more organized. Since a lot of things are tucked under my bed or in my closet, you wouldn’t notice a difference at first glance, but I feel much more organized.

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I think that’s about it for this first installment (above is a blurry peek at what it looks like now)! My walls are looking rather blank at the moment, so I’m on the hunt for pictures/artwork to put up. I’m also working on a few more things from my list. I bought a new bookshelf, which I’ll try to feature in an upcoming post, and I’ve got some marble contact paper working it’s way to my mailbox now.